Wednesday, October 26, 2005

Yesterday's Glum

After yesterday's glum worries about all things fearful related to little family of 3 becoming big family of 4, I had this weirdo dream. Honestly it might have been prompted by the killer sinus headache from hell that started promptly at 2:36am last night and is still lingering even after too many Advil to count.

Wow, this must be rivetingly interesting reading...sinus headaches...banal worries of an adoptive mother blah blah blah....

Perhaps the dream explanation will be more enticing, doubtful but maybe. In the dream I was at a meeting. I left to visit the ladies room. (All the good stuff happens anytime anyone leaves a room for you know what.) I come back and a friend who is also at the meeting is crying, really wooping it up crying. I stop and ask what is going on here. I turn around and there is a lady that I don't know who says that she is from my adoption agency and she has news for me. Me? Yes, she says that because we are second time adopters with the agency and since we are such good and loyal clients (Ha) that when they had one open slot to move someone ahead in the referral process they chose us. They have a referral for us. What? I am not expecting a referral of a child for over 2 months. Well, she says they can do us this HUGE favor and give us our daughter early.

I paused and had mixed emotions since we sort of "internet know" a few families we will be traveling with and want to travel with them. But then, hey a referral!! I will go with the flow. Then I ask to see my baby. More heinous crying around the room. Everyone seems to be in on a secret that I have no idea about. (Just like when that rat fink of a teacher Mrs. Taylor told kids in my ninth grade English class that I failed a test before she handed me my red marked paper letting me know the bad news.) The lady at the table who has my referral wants to show me lots of pictures but not of my baby. She is trying to distract me. I insist, what about this baby?

She proceeds to tell me that the baby is from a place called Fujian and all the babies from there have significant special needs. My baby will probably have kidney failure. What???? I sort of freak out...demanding the paperwork and making quick plans to get this referral info to a dr. for opinions. What about this little kid, is she in pain? Then, oh boy look out. I start to freak out on the adoption lady. How is this doing main muffin man and I a favor moving us up in the referral process? I ask her if she had not chosen us and just let us be with the other June DTCers would everything worked out ok? Oh yes, she says. They will get perfect referrals in another 2 months from places like Guangxi and Jiangxi and Hubei and Hunan.

Then I wake hearing Ava standing beside me telling me she pee'd through her nightime diaper. (Which is supposed to be guaranteed not to leak. Grrrr.) Ahhh, it was only a dream. A bad dream but only a dream. I have never been happier to change sheets and fix the morning obligatory PB&J for Ava.

I couldn't shake the memory of the dream or the headache all day. So, I decided to take Ava to the local drug store and buy a few little items that we might need for the big trip. Retail therapy can cure almost anything. Ava got fancy new hair clips out of the deal. I got piece of mind that we are going to China and not under huge duress. It was only a dream after all.

Tomorrow it is all sunshine and roses around here.

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