There are simply no words to describe how much we have grown to love this little girl. Yesterday marked 2 years since this picture was taken on the bus, in the rain, as we rolled away from the Guangzhou Civil Affairs Building with the greatest of all gifts life can bring. It is still often inconceivable to me that you can roll up to a big government office with only a red bag of trinket gifts, line up behind 10 other families and then be handed a baby with only the clothes on her back. And you are hers and she is yours.
She has made us 4. She has made us laugh. She has softened us, no easy task in a house full of type A's.
In the last two years she has been scared but now pulls herself away the comfort of my arms. She has been hungry but now fills herself and knows when to read her body's signs to stop. She has known the pains of intimate eye contact with an adult who seeks trust, but now freely engages. She has compulsively and repetitively pulled at her skin as an attempt to soothe what is uncomfortable on the inside and out but now seems calmer as she handles life's daily stresses. She is an shining example to others as she always shows unending kindness towards others. I sometimes ache for her when we are not near. I love her with all of my heart, and then some more.
And, it is on this day two years later that I once again wonder where her biological family is. Are they safe, are they well, do they think of her? I am sorry they cannot be with this beautiful child. I wish they could have seen her two pigtails bobbing through the store aisles while she played hide and seek with me only an hour ago. In my mind I imagine that would ease their burden.
Tonight we will light our customary 3 family day candles.
- One for China, the country from which she came. They saw fit to trust us with her. We are grateful.
- One for her biological family. This candle as it is lit comes with a prayer for their health and happiness. May they know in their hearts that the little girl they had to let go landed on safe ground.
- And finally, one candle for us as a family of four. May we bring each other peace and understanding throughout the years to come.