Thursday, July 24, 2008

In Your Room Young Lady

Did your mom ever make you spend the whole afternoon in your room?

Ava's Mom did.

Here's the thing, for the last week taking my children to public places has been well ummm...rather hellish. They run in different directions at the chiropractors, they pull shit down off the walls at the hobby place, and they were caught licking the floor at the grocery store - in separate aisles, no less. (I'm saving that tidbit for the first boy they ever decide to kiss.) And, don't even ask what happened when I tried to take the dog to the groomer with both of them in tow. It was not pretty. Let's just say the dog was the most well behaved on that trip off the cul-de-sac.

So, today I warned them and I warned them good. No shenanigans, stay close to me and do not touch one bolt of $50.00 a yard fabric. We enter the store and they make a bee line for the cording by the roll, pick it up and take off running...cording in hand unraveling throughout the store. Squealing in delight, no less.

The rather snippy mean lady checking me out barked something about not wiping noses on the cream damask silk drapery. I grabbed the first little arm I could get pinched it lightly and said SIT DOWN. Two very beautiful almond shaped eyes glared at me and one little pouty lipped girl simply said NO. I immediately had a kitten and walked out of the store...quiet and eloquent with rage.

I did not yell, amazingly enough. I did not stomp, still reveling at that one. I like to stomp on occasion. I simply announced that little girls who cannot listen and who act like heathens will no longer be privy to society.

It's a few hours later and little trouble is sleeping it off. Big trouble is starting to feel the pain since all the puzzles have been put together, all the dress up clothes are strewn over the floor and she's been denied scissors. I'm not sure why she needed scissors but today is not a day for her to wielding sharp implements, just for everybody's overall personal safety.

Oh god of raising small heathens and converting them into civilized critical thinking feminist young ladies...toss a Mom a bone.

Monday, July 21, 2008

Do we need to dial up the airconditioning?

Things have hit a maximum 10 on the boredom summer scale here today. I know this because the children have started scavenging the depths of Olivia's closet for things to make a mess of...I mean play with.

This seemed like a good idea at the time, it is 90 degrees outside.

Now, I'm rethinking the whole thing. These mitts don't even match my dress.

So Olivia, Did anyone help you with this little fleece mitts and hat and boots idea in the middle of July?

"Yeah, I'm looking at the culprit. And I'm wondering why SHE isn't the one sporting the mittens, my hands are starting to sweat."

How do I get myself into these things?

Thursday, July 17, 2008

Summer Concert Series

Starting right after Christmas I pine away for the free summer concert series here in my town and conveniently enough my neighboring town. How gracious of them to schedule on different nights from each other. Technically, I could see a free little concert each and every Tuesday and Wednesday night of the summer if I so chose or could get my act into gear that many days a week. Which I can't, so I don't. This year I vowed to make it to tons of them though, fall is right around the corner and the children will be cooped up driving me to insanity in a few short months. Carpe Diem.

Pack the girls, add a few friends and their kids, tail gate like your kid is the star of Purdue football and toss in some sidewalk chalk...presto, have carload, will travel up the street to summer free concerts.

This week the older girls...meaning the 6 year old set, got jiggy with the sidewalk chalk. Knowing that chalk usually under most circumstances washes off next day at the pool...I mean in a quick shower, I chose to stick my fingers in my ears and close my eyes to the perplexing pandemonium.
The new portrait art, as defined by Ava.

Livi...helping herself to a "grown up " chair. That face means feed me cheese.

Chalk noses all around.

And finally, my favorite. Anyone who has ever had a sibling will get this picture. Big sister is goofing around with her cronies and I just don't get it. Chalk on the face, falling all over bourgeois. I think I 'll help myself to the 3rd chocolate chip cookie before my mom notices.

Tuesday, July 15, 2008

Two...and a half

Don't you just hate it when you are speaking to someone about the cantankerous and onerous things your 2 1/2 year old is doing on a very regular basis and then they remind you that 2 is nothing it is the three year olds you must seriously fear?

The once shy and laid back easiest baby in the whole wide world has now entered the chamber of darkness and has taken to regularly spinning her head 360 degrees while spewing green goo. Video at 10pm.

Here are some things I've noticed this week:

  • She will not tolerate anyone within 6 feet of her while she attempts to completely dress herself. This includes diapering and complicated sandal buckles, of course.
  • She cannot stand when her sister even suggests that they, God forbid, share a toy. She shows her displeasure with 63 decibel schreeching that has me headed for early hearing aids.
  • She insists on fastening the car seat all by herself even though it has been ergonomically designed by engineering staff to make sure it is not doable for any two year old.
  • She cannot help herself from stealing everyone's shoes and spreading them throughout the house making it quite difficult to find a matching pair of shoes when you are already 10 minutes late leaving the house.
  • She delights in science experiments, like feeding the dog peanut butter from a hole in the crate and dumping the water bowl into the food bowl. Once was sort of funny, twice and I called her independent and spunky thrice....and she's going to find a new place to rent.
  • She cannot help herself from torturing the dog by holding her collar in a vice grip every second I am not eagle eyeing her.
  • She makes a second pass at doggie torture by tossing her obviously illegal toys to the dog while Ava and I run screaming after the dog DROP IT CHLOE!
  • She simply WILL NOT concede to being potty trained, but delights in telling me the minute she pees and poops in the diaper and then insists on being changed.
  • She will perform olympic quality splits, front rollovers, and monkey bar antics on command at home and screams and whines while clinging to my neck at toddler gymnastics (which we dropped out of today, thank you very much.)
  • She refuses to eat meat, green things and whirls sippy cups at moving targets. And still she has managed to attain 37" and 28 1/2 lbs. She is the same size as her sister at 3 1/2 years old. This little fact caused me to have to scavenage around in the 105 degree attic this weekend for gently used size nine shoes and size 3T clothes. How does one grow that much on fruit snacks and cheese crackers?
  • Oh, and she's pushing back on nap time.
Oh, no hold on there sparky...nap time is non-negotiable.

Wednesday, July 02, 2008

On The Go

Besides the fact that this summer of constant on the go status with my children is making me dog tired by 9pm each night, I have laundry stacked up 6 feet tall, and I just now got to mopping the kitchen floors this morning after a hiatus from cleaning the kitchen floors that set a new personal record, I am pausing to laugh hysterically at how much fun the girls are having now that summer is here. I'm tired...but man they are living large in the sun.

No, I'm not telling you how long that personal best was on the kitchen grime situation...but really you would have been as disgusted as I was. The break in the stretch was only set into motion as I saw the dog happily licking her breakfast of caked on applesauce off a kitchen chair. All I'm saying is she licked long enough to work her way through applesauce and then hit oatmeal. Old oatmeal.

We took the girls this past weekend to a neighboring town's freedom festival complete with candy parade. Ava named it the candy parade a few years ago when she realized that truly the only thing remotely interesting about the parade is the fact that participants in the parade toss copious amounts of candy to small children lining the street and doing the best to look forlorn after their evil rice cake carrying parents won't let them have any candy at home. Toss a girl a tootsie roll...PuhLEASE! Ava is famous in our circle of friends for throwing an elbow a few years ago on some unsuspecting three year old to get that one last Bit-O-Honey off the ground. She ALWAYS comes home with the biggest and baddest bag O' candy. Let no challenger step forth. Here she is on her scooter with bag of sweet loot slung over arm 10 minutes after the parade ended. Notice the aire of seriousness, and the 16th gobstopper giving her yet another cavity. You saw it here first.

A note about this town's freedom parade...the adults have resorted to placing bets on number of cheerleading squads not related school bands. I'm happy to report we came in a little under last year's record breaking 17 squads all cheering their little hearts out. And as a bonus, girls were less scantily clad this year in an amazing twist of events. And who said America is moving away from conservatism? An alarming number of little girls in skimpy bras and bare midriffs were spotted last year. Thank goodness the fashion police intervened for 2008. On a sad note, there were a few of the under 10 set that were sporting crimson lipstick and blue eyeshadow. Good bye, Jon Benet.

Finally, Livi...she had a ball. Here's the money shot. The child was in perpetual motion for 12 hours that day. Freinds and neighbors were amazed at her ability to scamper, ride a scooter, and skip all within a 2 minute time span. It must have been the tootsie rolls her sister was slipping her on the side. Yes that adorable red, white and blue dress is set off with a pink and yellow floral hat accessory. Don't judge me.