5 Years After A Tough Fall

I was driving in my neighborhood today, it is a beautiful fall day here. I had the car window down smelling the last bits of peak fall season. Maybe it is the way the trees looked or the wind was blowing. Maybe my unconscious mind is pre-programmed to remember the five year milestone.

I don't think of cancer much anymore. But it was on my mind in November 2000. I was in the middle of recovering from 2 surgeries and had completed a second round of chemotherapy to kill all cancer cells located in my right breast. Of course the chemo was killer enough to kill a few good cells too... thus the bald factor, dehydration, extreme fatigue and the very raw upper and lower Gastro Intestines. Oh joy.

I think it has been about 5 years ago this month that I had a little breakdown and dramatically told Main Muffin Man he must get on board with adoption or I didn't know what I would do. (I know it might sound a little weird that I wasn't even in remission and I was already making the adoption plan.) Having a baby the old fashioned way was not working very well for us before this little doom and gloom pickle. I needed light at the end of the tunnel...a promise of a bright future. He easily agreed...telling me "Just get better, we'll do anything you want after you get better."

I went to our first adoption meeting sporting a wig about 5 months after our family meeting/emotional brow beating session. How many parents can claim that one? (I never was one to do things exactly like others, but I admit this was a little over the top.) These days I worry more about my oncologist giving me the stern lecture if I gain a pound or two from visit to visit than some horrible news.

It is the sights, smells and sounds of fall each year that remind me about what a lucky duck I really am. I know that things could have turned out differently. But they didn't and I get fall each year as a reminder.