Popsicle

Mmmmm....orange.











I've have personally been waiting since November for pool time and hot evenings to spend time perfecting the fine art of popsicle slurping.

Last night provided the perfect backdrop for a popsicle.

The Muffin Man dug out the popsicle chairs. No one should have to stand and eat, it wouldn't be right.


Olivia has her popsicle eating outfit ready to go. The birthday suit washes up up a little better than the white onesie.










Liv carefully chose raspberry. Would you mess with this kid? She's all business when it comes to raspberry.

Calling Curriculum Management

Kindergarten Update:

I called over to the school yesterday afternoon as I was gettin' all fired up about readin' and 'rithmitic. I got a message machine telling me that they were on vacation. Yes, I seem to remember from my days in school, be them MANY years ago, that indeed most school teachers and administrators like to pop that taco stand as soon as the door has hit the last little one in the ass on the way out. For this I do not begrudge them.

However, still have this little issue of WHEN THE HECK ARE YOU GOING TO TELL ME WHAT DAY OF THE WEEK MY ACADEMIC PROTEGEE WILL GRACE YOUR SCHOOL WITH HER PRESENCE? So I can decide if we get to participate in swanky enrichment program or fork over the check to the state government.

I called the curriculum management center in my township. I am duly impressed. She was very patient and kind with even my impatient and rather snotty self. She explained that they are in a bit of a pickle right now but will do everything they can to accommodate our wishes. Up to and including Ava in a full day class without the $200 summer deposit. She guaranteed me that Ava would be " No Child Left Behind" and they would graciously pop her in a full day class even if we didn't decide until August.

Or, as another alternative if our home neighborhood school decided to offer alternate day classes on the days that we are already signed up at enrichment, they would even offer us alternate days at another school. But busing could not be guaranteed. (I think that is fair, don't you?)
However, I am not all that keen on Ava attending a school a few miles away only to then be transferred back to our home school for 1st grade. She does have loyal subjects to command to and all, she needs to hang with her local peeps. She's Jenny from the block, and all. I do however appreciate the offer.

In the end we were instructed to send in our application for full day, sans dinero. That way they know we are coming and have slot for us no matter what. We will wait until next week until the state announces how much little home school won in the $33 million dollar race to academic perfection. Thus allowing the school to better calculate how many other little academic geniuses will be selecting alternate day kindergarten vs. the full day option.

Do you think that Miss Beetle worried about all these complicated issues when teaching at the Little School On The Prairie?

Kindergarten Crazy

I took Ava over to her new public school where she will start Kindergarten in the fall for the mandatory kindergarten testing. From what I can gather from the short one page letter to Kindergarten parents this 1/2 hour testing is done before each child starts Kindergarten to identify children who might qualify for Title I benefits. The school district likes to identify these children and then plan for any special needs accordingly.

I'm all for this. It sounds very proactive to me. Ava played with the teachers and rattled off her letters and numbers like a champ. Then they took her into another room so I have no idea what went on behind closed doors, but Ava seemed chipper enough upon coming out so I decided not to grill the teacher as she politely told me "Ava is more than ready for Kindergarten. She will be a joy to have in class."

During the 20 minutes I had to relax, I mean chase Liv up and down the hallways while Ava was showing those teachers a thing or two, one of the other mother's struck up a conversation. She asked if Ava would be attending full time kindergarten or alternate day.

There are big changes coming down the pike in my state right now resulting in a Great Kindergarten Debate. Right now my school district funds 1/2 time public school kindergarten. Our school has children attend 2 1/2 days of kindergarten a week funded by tax dollars. Families that need or want full time kindergarten may pay for the extra 2 1/2 days for their child to attend. In the past this has even been a lottery situation at our neighborhood school where you enter your child in the lotto and then if you win you pay the money for full day. This year the governor and the state assembly have passed appropriations for state wide full day kindergarten. They are pushing all school districts to migrate to mandatory full day. Thirty three million dollars in grant money has been set aside so that each school can apply for a piece of that $33 million pie. Ideally, the bulk of this year's money would end up in schools where test scores are lower and students are more disadvantaged. However, our school is also chomping at the bit for every last red cent. Even though it is a top performing school in the state.

Back to coffee talk at the testing session yesterday. The other mother asked what were were doing with Ava this fall. I explained that we had opted for 1/2 time public school kindergarten and are supplementing with and enrichment program that is private. I want her to attend the program we have selected because it is notoriously NOT academic, but rather arts and literature based with alternative teaching methods. It is over $200 a month but I don't care. The school has the kids in units learning to cook meals in the kitchen and reading books about cooking and food etc... Another unit features art and they visit this city's art museum. Just as the program name suggests...I think it is more enriching than full day kindergarten at our public school. The mother at the testing session tells me that our public school is dropping all but 1 alternate day kindergarten class and right now there are 27 kids in that class. Oh, and to add insult to injury there is no funding for an aid in the classroom. So, the kids who select 1/2 time kindergarten rather than full day will all be lumped into 1 class with 1 teacher. No aide. Is this a recipe for full frontal disaster or what? 27 kindergartners and 1 teacher?

So, because I don't even have my kid enrolled at the school yet and lord knows I couldn't wait until September to label myself as the pushy "problem" parent I march my hiney up to the 16 year old assistant principal who has been mercilessly flirting with some other mother in a bathing suit top and daisy dukes for the last 1/2 hour. I kindly ask if I can pull 16 year old asst. principal with the wandering eyes if I can have a word with him. He tears himself away from Miss America and says, "Ugh, huh."

I recant what other mother has put forth and simply and quitely ask for confirmation that she is sadly mistaken and there will indeed be 2 alternating classes running throughout the week allowing me to also send my kid to art and literature swishy program across the street. Furthermore your class size will probably be about 18 or less RIGHT?

Oh no, other mother is quite right. Also, they haven't decided what day the 1 alternating class will run and it might very well clash with my swishy program across the street. So, if I don't jump ship right now and sign Ava up for full day kindergarten like the governor of my state is suggesting I do, then I might run the risk of losing out of swishy school due to over lapping days AND have to send Ava to a 1/2 time program with 27 kids and 1 teacher. Oh, and if I select full day over here in public land the class size is almost guaranteed to be about 18 or so with a full time aide. (Since there is state funding for that, or almost state funded since I would of course have to pay for the 2 1/2 days out of the 5.)

Needless to say, I feel slightly strongarmed into choosing to pay for public school full day kindergarten. We have until July 2nd to make a choice and send in a nice healthy deposit to secure Ava's slot in public school kindergarten (non-refundable of course). Not to mention I will probably lose our deposit at swishy kindergarten enrichment should we pull out.

I'm trying very hard not to google white pages for St. Elizabeth of Perpetual Kindergarteners on the other side of the street to see what they are offering on the table.

I will be spending a quality 1/2 hour this afternoon calling over to Mr. assistant principal at public land if he can tear himself away from the lovely Ms. Daisy Dukes to see if he can tell me WHEN they will be making the decision on what day of the week they will be running alternate day kindergarten so I can make a somewhat informed decision about where the heck to send my kid to school this fall.

Mystery Solved

Just as I had finished eating an icecream dove bar on a stick and goofing around with blogger to write about the Mystery virus and our subsequent "caged lion" syndrome the Dr. called the house. I didn't get to the phone in time but heard her say this is Dr. Feel Good, we have Ava's test results, please call me here at the office.

Here is the deal with Dr's. If the test is negative they are always happy to say Negative on the answering machine and take off in the Jaguar to play golf. Seriously, our even keeled and somewhat homely pediatrician drives a hot little red Jag. However, if it is not such good news they usually sound pretty cheery and leave the message to please call at your earliest convenience. You know where this is going.

Apparently, after further testing and 5 days of waiting Ava has Epstein Barr Virus, which is mono. Only a more swanky way to say mono, don't you think? I think Dr.s Epstein and Barr have been driving around in hot little Jags ever since they discovered the virus in 1964. Or perhaps their children are now driving around in little Ferraris as I write this. Oh, to be gifted with the microscope.

What now? Nothing except we have to watch her spleen and liver. Now does that sound like a party waiting to happen or what? Call the friends, bring a dish to share, let's watch Ava's spleen. If that is not enough excitement we could assign someone to watch her liver too. Because we are supposed to watch the spleen and the liver. Terrific.

Mystery Virus and Life Behind Imaginary Bars

It wasn't mono and it wasn't strep. Apparently Ava had a mystery virus. The Dr. is insistent on testing for Epstein Barr virus...but heck at this point who cares? She could have had malaria for all I know. She is feeling so much better and is fever free so she is back to ruling the neighborhood with an iron fist. She has the loyal subjects lining up for a scooter parade as we speak.

I however, am tired. Perhaps it was the stress of worrying about her for 4 days. Perhaps it was the getting up in the middle of the night but seriously I need a week at some spa where they will cover me with with hot rocks and wax the heck out of my legs while painting my toenails some delightful shade of pink.

Or maybe I'm all twitchy about staying so close to home for almost an entire week. I did not realize how much we like to move about, take ourselves off the cul-de-sac each and every day. I swear I could hardly do it, stay inside the house for 5 solid days with sick 5 year old and rambunctious 19 month old. I'm being a bit dramatic in that we did expand into the backyard to play in the alligator pool by day 3 1/2 but gees I still say "caged lion".

This picture should be labeled "Tea Set Teamwork".


Yesterday she presented as fever free for 24hours and we were damned if staying in the house one extra minute. We decided to take ourselves to the library for a little magician show and sign up for the summer reading program. Then when it came time to start the 20 minute process of getting ourselves snacks, drinks, shoes, extra diapers, go to the potty, collect favorite stuff to travel in the car, check and make sure stroller is in car, and shut off the lights and coffee maker...well, I had a fleeting thought. This is so much damned work getting the three of us anywhere! Should I just turn them loose in the backyard and call it a day?

Getting us anywhere is as simple as inserting the keys in the ignition it is the process that culminates in piling us into the car part that is a bit of a workout, physically and emotionally (as sometimes they test my highest level of patience cooperating with me to head north to the front door.) I suppose this might be why over the last nine months we have been 10 minutes early or 20 minutes late to everywhere we have gone.

In the end we did the routine and enjoyed the library. Ava enjoyed the library show Liv attempted to climb the brick wall at the library no less than 72 times as I wearily chased behind.

How many days will we self impose cul-de-sac lock down this summer? Maybe it's not so bad afterall minus the mystery virus part of course. How many days left until Kindergarten starts? Remind me about this week when I am crying at the bus stop seeing my baby off to full time school.

19 Months and 9 Months Home

A few days ago on the 12th, marked Liv's 19 month birthday and our 9th month here at home. She's been with us as long as she lived in Yangxi, Guangdong.

Here she is in all her glory playing in the alligator pool. I'm not sure what it was that was so interesting at the moment but I like the photo since it really looks like Livi. She's holding her shoe, she loves shoes. She's playing with her sister, her favorite person other than her Da. The kid is a real daddy's girl.

Like the real diaper used as swimming suit? It appears to have about 2 lbs. of water collected in it at the time of this photo. It's been a few years since I've seen a water logged diaper and I felt the need for some entertainment since we have been housebound with Ava's mystery virus all week. It doesn't take much to entertain me. Watching her wabble around the backyard toting this diaper behind was better than an HBO special.
So here we are, 19 months. On the downward slide to two.

Kickball anyone?

Flip A Coin

Ava is not better and her throat is a smelly hazardous toxic receptacle. Obviously, we headed off to the real pediatrician first thing this morning. She confirmed what the drive thru "Ya, want fries with that?" Dr. said yesterday. If she doesn't respond to antibiotics, chances are she has mono. Which is viral. Which means 5-7 days of fever and "discomfort" her word of course. Discomfort in medical translation means excrutiating neck and throat pain making it impossible to eat unless doped up on Motrin and only then gatorade and 2 sips of cherry jello. Really all she has eaten in the last 24 hours is some gatorade and a few sips of sprite and about 2 tablespoons of cherry jello. Well, unless you count 3 1/2 eaten no real fruit popscicles. The kids is sick if she is leaving a popscicle 1/2 eaten, no swab or blood test needed.

Speaking of blood tests, yes she had that this morning as well. Which posed a serious moral dilemma for me. The Dr. tells me we have to go to the lab to drop off the second strep culture and get a blood test for mono. Do I a) tell her immediately since it is her right and it is her body and I should treat her with respect and give her the chance to take the news with dignity in a big girl fashion or b) drive right home not saying one thing (thus not lying) drop off the baby with the Muffin Man and drive Ava back to the lab all the while stating we are dropping off the throat culture (which we were, again not lying) and break the "your getting a big old needle up the arm" news in the parking lot?

Based on the epic proportions of drama displayed 6 months ago at one little Kindergarten readiness shot...I'm sheepishly admitting to option b. I know I can justify my kindhearted silence until 11th hour up the ying yang but ultimately I was a little sleep deprived and stressed and did not want to hear 20 minutes of screaming and flailing in the car driving to said blood test.

She took it as well as could be expected running a 103 degree fever and with tonsils swollen shut. Honestly, it was so sad hitting a kid below the belt while going down for the count with the needle news. But the whole high fever thing made her slightly less cantankerous in the end. Again sad, temporarily more convenient while navigating traffic but still ultimately sad. She took it like a champ and earned those 2 princess stickers like no other 5 year old in all of time. Upon getting back in the car she muttered something about giving a sticker to her sister, because she would like Jasmine. And that is where I had to stop and well up a bit.

So, now we sit and watch Pinky Dinky Doo for 24 hours while the lab folks flip the illness du jour coin mono or strep? Hopefully test results will come in before her brain melts down the sides of her ears from too much television and cherry jello.

Sad Little Sickie

The kid is never sick. Really, hardly ever. Yesterday she complained of a sore throat and I poo poo'd it as drainage from mild seasonal allergies and gave her a healthy dose of Claritan.

Then she wouldn't eat dinner. She NEVER doesn't eat dinner. (She gets the healthy appetite from me.)

This morning she wouldn't eat breakfast and was crying saying her throat hurt.

Since my kids only get sick on Sundays I figured she surely must be honestly sick. And she was running a fever, my kids only run fevers on Sundays when the Dr. is out.

The nurse and Dr. at the med check agreed it had to be Strep throat while giving her the once over. Sick breath, fever, swollen glands, pain all lead to Strep. Although, she tested negative. "Weird", they said. This diagnosis of weird is not highly comforting to the one who has to take her home in 20 minutes.

In the end they are not sure if it really is Strep that isn't testing positive yet or if it is Mono. Mono? Fabulous. The trial run is to put her on antibiotics for 48 hours and see if it clears...if so, Strep...if not Mono. I admittedly perked up a bit upon hearing Mono. I was assured it is not as bad when a 5 year old gets it as when adults get it. Really? News to me. I'd really rather not test those waters.

In the mean time she's slurping chicken noodle soup and popscicles with her mood brightened by a double dose of Motrin approved by the Dr. My mood? Not so bright, no party at the neighbors this afternoon and no summer camp tomorrow. Seriously how many cartoons can she watch before we both go over the edge?

I'm biting my nails hoping all germs have been confined to her little throat and next week does not hold Strep or Mono for the rest of the clan.

No Trunk Show Today

I had this big post all up in my head about being invited to a local artist/vendor party where I could display and hopefully sell some Pink Evita handbags. The party was supposed to be tomorrow and I was sewing away, which I said I would not do since I was willing myself into low expectations of the party. I loosely promised myself I would only take items in stock, but you know how it goes when you only loosely promise yourself something? You know how those home parties go, sometimes they are tolerable and quite frankly sometimes they are ummm...less than tolerable. I only agreed to it because there would be absolutely no sales pitching, spinning of wheels, or loud promises of "2 for 1 signs up NOW" or anything remotely related. Just a little table set up in a corner with me behind 25 handbags smiling ridiculously at people I didn't know.

But alas, it was not meant to be. The party was canceled due to the fact that the lady kind enough to open her house for the party/sale had a miscarriage this week. I don't even know her and I simply felt awful. I'm thankful that she did indeed cancel, what a heartbreak. I've been there and it sucks, there is no other way to put it. No platitudes about not meant to be or any of that other crap. It hurts physically and emotionally, real bad. She obviously needs this time at home alone without 62 ladies telling her it will be ok. I can think of nothing more tortuous.

But, I'm still thinking about avenues for future growth for the little business. I guess I've been thinking about it this week as two dear friends of mine are considering dum dum dum...que scary music....going back to work. Both of their children are entering Kindergarten this fall and they are feeling a little how shall we say...stay at homeish. I watch as they both toss and turn around ideas for balancing home life and possible re-entrance into the work force all the while staying present both physically and emotionally in their children's lives. Both women are highly educated and had wonderful careers before children. Should be an interesting ride to watch them decide. Isn't it always a bonus in life to get to try out life's little options on someone else before YOU actually have to dive in head first?

At the neighborhood soiree of this past weekend one neighbor was asking me if I would ever reconsider my stay at home status and try to re-up at the biggest and bluest corporate company there is. I worked very big and very blue and then I worked consulting for much smaller and much less blue but still highly "corporatey". I quickly joked "My goal is to NEVER work corporate again." At the time I considered it a joke. But I've been really thinking, I don't think its a joke. Perhaps I could work but not in a cubicle. Not now, gosh I don't even have the Liv'ster out of diapers yet. But someday. Maybe.

Fruity Centerpieces

Only because some kind readers asked for photographic proof that I did indeed use oranges, lemons and limes in attempt to spruce up the neighborhood soiree am I posting a pictures after the fact.

Truth be told ...these photos were taken this morning. In my state of manic cooler filling/labeling and heading off 30 older children at the backyard gate so they would not let the 18 smaller children out beyond the gate to run rampid like little wild dogs in the street I simply could not pause in zen like state to pull the Minolta out to "make a memory". I'm sure you understand if you too have ever experienced temporary brain damage that led you to think entertaining an entire neighborhood for an evening would be prudent.

Since I still have the fruit on the kitchen table...voila...photographic evidence recreated with minimal effort on my part.

I found the table cloth material at Joann's on the clearance rack for $1.00 per yard. I am a sucker for 1960's era tie dye's and batiks. It creates birkenstock euphoria moments that could only be matched with a roach clip and funny looking little cigarettes. Let's be honest, those days are so far long gone and have been woefully replaced by little cups of blueberry organic yoghurt and tiny cheese crackers molded into goldfish shapes.

Perhaps the stash of tie dyes (I bought them in reds, yellows and lime green like the one you see here.) will become matching play clothes sets for 2 little girls soon. We will see how ambitious their mother gets in the month to come.

So, there you have it fruity centerpieces on a budget. Feel free to pilfer the idea and use it in your next backyard soiree. Make sure to never mention that you "were inspired" by some house frau on the internet and the idea came to you as you were efficiently washing baseboards or something else ridiculous that no one ever does. It will surely impress your mother-in-law and Mrs. Cravitz who lives next door.

Next Up: My invitation to participate in a trunk show with my handbags OR why I canceled the exterminator for the little uninvited guests in my kitchen. Please vote accordingly.

P.S. Do not email me if you regularly clean your baseboards. I don't want to know about it, I do not want to hear about it, I don't even want to think that some people would do it.

Neighborhood Soiree

Well, we did it. We hosted the entire neighborhood in our backyard on Saturday night. All 25 homes were invited and I believe 12 families came. Some of the whole weekend was admittedly a blur...so I could be off by a standard deviation of +-2 families.

The Prep....

I have to say I've gotten old and lazy and not used to serious work in my current occupation as queen of all things on the cul-de-sac. I started working my ass off on Friday night with runs to Trader Joes and the local grocery. I woke early Saturday morning and took the Muffin Man and the little ladies to the Costco. It was almost all I had to keep the Muffin Man on track through the Costco aisles where he seemed more interested in $350 slip and slides than ground beef or ground sirloin. We opted for the ground sirloin burgers even though they posed a $3.00 higher price tag, thank you very much. The girls were slurping down free samples of Sara Lee strawberry cake quicker than I could toss napkins into the back of the cart. After Costco, I offered to run to get ice...at yet another store.

The SetUp...

This is the part that put me over the edge. Upon arriving at home I schelped 10 bags of ice to the backyard and deposited them in coolers. Next was emptying all sorts of liquid refreshments into the coolers. Then carefully labeling "adult" and "kidlet" coolers. Wouldn't want to have 2 fourteen year old Johhnys accidently dipping into the beer cooler. The muffin man tightened all screws on the swing set...why this could not have been done previously in the week I haven't been able to figure out. Since he was casually weilding a screwdriver I was forced to set up all tables and chairs. I then heard my back pop in the lower right quadrant while flipping a banquet table. Ouch. But no time to sit and rest. Table covers were placed on tables and the marquee was set up.

Off to the kitchen to make centerpieces of lemons, limes and oranges in glass containers filled with water. They were very pretty if I don't say so myself. (Although one neighbor did comment and asked what was up with the vases of water and fruit. To which I snappily replied, "Decoration, Dude." )


It was now 3:30pm and I was in desperate need of a shower. I hauled both children into the bedroom with me and told them each to comb the other's hair while I showered. At 3:37 I hopped out of the shower to see the end result of a talcum powder fight. I cleaned it up while threatening them both within an inch of their little lives. 3:39pm and I am sweating again. 3:42 I am sweating profusely since I chose to blow dry my hair. 3:54 I wipe off lipstick since I look like a heaving wet ball of perspiration with red lips. Not a nice combination. However, there was a consolation prize...my linen skirt fit nicely since I spent most of the day sweating off three pounds. BONUS!

Walk downstairs while shouting at the Muffin Man to please do something with HIS children. Hit flashing button on answering machine to hear 2 families RSVP 1 hour before party saying they are coming and if this poses a problem please call them back. WTF? I love the midwest.

The Party...

People arrive as I am popping advil for my back. Honestly it was sort of non-eventful after it all got underway. Which I suppose I consider a success. There was the family that showed up with lots of children, I mean a half dozen, sporting their flagrant "Choose Life" tee shirts. I thought was sort of funny as they sat next to the ultra worldly well traveled super liberal sociology college professor. I noticed he was running for another beer after spending 20 minutes under the mother's thumb while she spewed her conservative "Catholic Identity" diatribe. Hilarious since I did not actually have to participate in that one.

The Cleanup...

My darling neighbors stayed and helped pull a 1/2 ton of crap out of the backyard into my kitchen under the threat of serious thunderstorms which ultimately did not happen.

The Crash..

At 10:15 I chased Ava up the stairs and told her I would see her at 10:00 tomorrow morning. Ha, yeah right. At least she passed out quickly. I then headed for the cooler of water sucking down 3, yes 3 bottles of water before staring at the tv in complete zombie like state. I limped off to bed and tried to remember such a physical day. Really, that was all I could think about.

The next morning..

One vow. Next party will be slightly more intimate as they say. As in less than 10 people.
All in all I think we did our part for world and neighborhood peace and good relations.

I'm off to eat leftover baked beans.

Dragonflies

New posting over at Pink Evita.

Summer craftiness at it's most fun.

May's Getting My Craft On

Ooooh the sweet smell of backpack redemption. After last month's back pack fiasco, I had to redeem myself in a flowery sort of way since this month's Get Your Craft On challenge was flowers. Since I've decided that I am in need of a summer backpack to tote around diapers and pool passes, this little cutie should do the trick.






I saw this pre-quilted material and could not resist. It sort of screamed SUMMER to me in the store in a preppy 1982 sort of way.


















I used the McCall's pattern 4118, and believe it or not it was fairly easy. It even has a zipper entry in the back if you don't want to mess with the draw string top entry.

I've been on a bit of a fabric buying binge lately. I'm not even sure what will become of it all. But I'm picking up summer designer weight fabrics on sale and cannot seem to stop myself. I have a few friends who have summer birthdays and they might be receiving little copycat backpacks or other summer purses. Whether they want them or not.



Check out the yellow goodness on the right. I'm a yellow sucker. Purse handles were on sale too...need I say more?

I'm coming up empty on what to pair the blue and white floral with. Any suggestions?









What's up with the summer batiks and tie dyes you ask? They were clearanced at $1.00 a yard. Next weekend the Muffin Man and I have ridiculously invited the neighborhood to a backyard cookout. Yes, the entire neighborhood. All 25 houses are invited. What are we thinking? Ok, I admit it was sort of my idea and the Muffin Man had no sense to smack me on the head and say, "My God woman have you lost your last marble?" These materials will theoretically adorn the multitude of card tables that will be scattered throughout the backyard accommodating 50 people. (In my defense I 'm not cooking for all these folks, the cheaply distributed and poorly written invite clearly stated we'd front the hot dogs and please bring your best summery dish to share Mid-Westernly potluck style. I'm planning on topping off the colorful tables with clear bowls and vases filled with lemons and limes and oranges and then filling with water. I saw it done in a magazine once...tres chic. The Muffin Man thinks this idea is stupid and doesn't understand why we wouldn't run to Costco for some flowers to set up as centerpieces. He's a good egg all around, but seriously...no creative vision. I promise to take pictures of the neighborhood clan next weekend and the 85,000 children if I am not sitting in the corner of my backyard rocking wildly and pulling out gray hairs one at a time.


So, that concludes Perrin's May GYCO tour de force. Peace to the people.

All Smiles

One more vacation picture I couldn't resist. After testing the waters (literally) for a few days Liv decides the pool is the place to be.

Doll Quilt

I have seen so many crafty blogs displaying doll quilts recently. I'm not sure why I'm a wee bit obsessed with quilting right now since :

1. I am not a big "country look" person and

2. my first attempt at quilting material was a complete bust.

However, when I saw my girls playing with the stuffed animals and dolls (we hardly have any dolls since Ava shunned them like like a polar bear in the hot summer sun) before Liv came into the big picture. Alas, perhaps she just needed a doll playmate? Now the girls seem to like to carry them around the house and of course give them super fast rides in the doll stroller going 30 mph around the sharp edges of the end tables in the playroom. My heart grows two sizes bigger as I see them play together and Liv really has a sweet way with those stuffed dogs and the scary Baby Mulan doll. She feeds them milk. Come on, doesn't that deserve an obligatory ahhhhhhh?

With all of this said, of course they need a proper doll quilt. Here were my criteria for this little project.

1. Cannot purchase one thing. I certainly have enough pink"ish" material around here collecting dust to craft up a small doll quilt or 20.
2. Must be uber easy. I haven't exactly proven myself quilt worthy yet. And I'm less of a perfectionist that the creative spirit type. (Quilts require math people.) I had to use 3rd grade multiplication, enough said.
3. Must be quick. As I am not a country craft gal, I might lose interest and start with the handbags again. You just never know.

Here is what I yanked from the sewing room closet last night. See what I mean about the pleuthera of pastels? I'd like to go on record as saying I'm hardly a pastel type of gal either, but almost 5 years in raising girls and you can get pretty pink'd if you're not careful.















So, off to work I went. The girls tucked in their beds with visions of pink sugar plums dancing in their heads. Ma in her kerchief holding back the almost grown out bangs, serious business began. (For posterity's sake I should post a picture of my over grown bangs. Ava keeps asking me what I am doing with them they are so bad.) Note to self: Must call for hair appt. Two hours later I had this.

At the last minute I decided to top sew some ribbons which I think might have been a mistake. I think I might have liked it better before the ribbons. Oh well, it is a doll quilt for two little girls. It's not hanging in the Smithsonian.

I left it downstairs for Ava to find this morning. She brought it to Olivia saying, "Hey, look we got a quilt!" Olivia replied with "Da?" Meaning where is my father?

Ungrateful little mite.

Sea Turtles, Manatees and Dolphins

Who knew that Captiva Island was such a playplace for animal and humankind alike? The place is paradise I tell you. I did not take my sunburnt butt of the little island for 1 whole week. I did not ride in a car, rather turning all grocery shopping duties over the to menfolk, since let's be honest they got the chef gene anyway. My dad and the Muffin Man made a mean Iron Chef team as they cooked and grilled their little hearts out making shrimp pasta, pork tenderloins, fresh salads, and to die for hamburgers.


I walked from the house to the beach each morning by 9:30am with my treasure trove of children, beach chairs, umbrellas, colorful assortment of buckets, rakes and shovels, plenty of snacks, sun hats, sunscreen in 4 different numbers, and towels. I pushed the baby down to the ocean and we plunked ourselves there until naptime at 11:00am or there abouts. Then back to the house for nap, which she easily obliged each time due to copious amounts of playing and sun. Then after a yummy lunch of whatever the men made for dinner the previous night it was back to the ocean where Ava, Grandpa, and the Muffin Man were inevitable still playing beachy games. An hour or two later we moved the mountain of stuff to the neighborhood pool where we languished in bath like water until....happy hour. We flipped an imaginary coin, us adults, and loser got to make the cocktail run back to the house to bring the goodies back to the pool.

Rum and fruity punch tastes so much better while surrounded by H2O. It's a fact, look it up.


When Ava was 18 months we took her to the Carolina Shore. We rented the nice house, bought expensive plane tix, and couldn't wait until we could show our precious little one real ocean and sand and all the fun that comes along with the package. Want to know what she did? She screamed when her tootsies hit the sand. Yucky, she said. Yes, she was talking at 18 months and she truly did say Yucky. Needless to say my expectations were lowered with kidlet number 2's first beachy experience. No worries though, this kid was born on the South China Sea after all. Look at her face, she loved every minute of it. As long as you would let her shovel sand on your freshly Coppertoned body, she was happy to play along.

Ava of course was in her element since large amounts of playtime with larger than life beaches and pools were surrounding her 18 hours a day. She quickly obtained a brand new LBF little best friend named Jordan. I made the snap decision to slip Jordan a $5 bill in return for constant entertainment of Ava. Turns out, she was willing to put in the time for free. Jordan was a generous one. Not only did Jordan have a big brother named Jared, no I do not make this stuff up, but he could catch fish with his bare hands. Houdini, I tell you. Buckets and flower vases lined the shoreline with starfish, pencil fish, wormy things, and small spotted gills by the end of each day. The only competition was the ultra tame but emboldened herons who would follow the children and eat the catch right out of the buckets. Funniest thing watching those indignant children yell and chase those robber baron herons down the beach yelling, "Those are our fish, we worked hard for them."



If you were a heron would you mess with her?

When life got a little too dicey at the beach we would head on over to the marina across the street for manatee fun. The large sea cows would congregate to drink from the natural spring located at the base of the marina. They are federally protected so no petting was allowed. However, they were social and would approach us in mass. They would push their little nostrils up for air every 3 minutes giving us a close up glance at the barnacles on their backs. Truly amazing animals if you ask me. I could have watched and sat with them all day. But then I would be reminded that there were star fish to catch and sea turtle eggs to see. Believe it or not a mother sea turtle came up one night and laid her eggs on the beach right next to where we usually parked our chairs. (Ah, the nerve right?) Then next morning we were greeted by the conservationists yellow tape roping off the federally protected area for the next few months until the eggs would hatch. What were we to do but to Google Florida coastal sea turtles to see when the eggs might hatch. Not for another few months.


As you can tell, Captiva delivered and a good time was had by all. A special thank you to my father who truly made this break in our normally scheduled chaotic existence a reality for us. Now we are home. For me it is in body only. My soul is still at the ocean. Swaying gently in the breeze and calm waters of the Gulf of Mexico.


I leave you with my favorite memory and sight of last week.
Two of the cutest kids in the world, without a care in the world, surrounded by paradise.

Back Soon

We are off to build sand castles, sip fruity drinks, and eat shrimp.

Back soon unless I decide to become the pineapple princess, buy a little grass shack and play the ukulele while searching for Frankie riding the big wave. Afterwards we could play beach blanket bingo while toasting marshmellows with the gang.

Do you think the gang would mind if I brought my two small children?

LBF Goes To The Mall

Yesterday, in my infinite wisdom I decided to take my two perfectly behaved and mild mannered children to the mall to do a Land's End return. (Bathing suit top needed in smaller size...notice it wasn't bathing suit bottom needed in smaller size...sad.) Anyway, did you know that you can return Land's End catalogue stuff at Sears? Me either. But you can. Schwing!

In addition to my children accompanying me, because I am the mother that can go NOWHERE alone...I also had LBF with me. LBF is Ava's little best friend. I've mentioned LBF before but to catch anyone who needs a refresher up to speed...LBF was adopted on the same day as Ava in a hotel in Hunan. They live 10 minutes up the street and are pretty much inseparable. I'm beginning to wonder if they are indeed Lao Tong, "old sames" from Chinese legend. They are sometimes freakishy close even for 5 year olds. So, LBF was mine for the afternoon and that bathing suit top needed to be returned before we leave on Saturday to pick 1 million grains of sand out of our toes and other crevices for a week. I popped her in the Dodge and off we went.

Have you as a white person ever taken a slew of little Asian kids to the mall in the Midwest? I've certainly taken one and now even two little kids...lots of stares and a few comments. Here's the deal breaker, three little Chinese girls twirling and singing at the top of their lungs being chased by moi really can attract as many wide eyed stares, head nodding, secret giggling and unsolicited comments as say a bald Brittney might walking down past the Wetzels Pretzels in high heels and a gold tone handbag.

I bribed them to act sane with pennies to toss in the fountain. This worked for 2 minutes until we drew a small crowd. Apparently two 5 year olds explaining the finer points of toss and wish to a coy and semi-reluctant 18 month old is far more interesting than the free cell phone minutes being dolled out by college drop outs from Sigma Chi at the kiosk next door.

Next, a bribe of ice cream for anyone who will walk quietly while holding civily onto the stroller. Ava shouts "Uh, I'd prefer a strawberry smoothie, it's much more healthy." LBF responds 16 decibels higher, "Are you crazy, girl? We are getting ICE CREAM. Which then leads to a rousing rendition of the old I-scream, You scream, We all scream for I-c-e-cream. Ugh.....Old people are now stopping us telling us their neighbors adopted from Korea in the 1960's. Teenagers are giggling, encouraging them to twirl as they sing. (I might add here they did seem to have almost perfect harmony as far as 2 5 year olds singing go.) I am trying to smile politely while practically spitting at Ava to move quickly and quietly.

New strategy. Hang back with the baby and let Sonny and Cher perform their little hearts out 100 paces in front of me. Perhaps mall security will pick them up and I can hit the Gap all by my lonesome, or with the baby, whatever. No such luck, I'm dragged to the ice cream stand. More questions about ethnicity and sisterly bonds of love while ordering 3 small swirl cones.

After icecream I'm done. $52.50 has been wiped off my credit card while a large size bathing suit top is on its way to a clearance rack near you. We head off in search of a black Dodge. We wave the Queen's wave to their adoring fans.

I silently promise to eat my own toenails before taking children to the mall again.

Chinese School One More Year

This weekend Ava completed one more year of Chinese School. In addition to her regular three morning a week preschool we have her enrolled at the local Chinese Community Center's Chinese language school. The class she attends is Chinese as a Second Language. (Their term, not mine.)

She goes Sunday afternoons from 1-3pm and sits in a high school classroom chair with her big girl backpack complete with Hello Kitty notebook and printed Powerpoint lessons. Her teacher sends the lessons via the internet each week and we print them off acting like we practice the 20 minutes per day that is strongly suggested. In actuality we practice Mandarin phrases and songs on the weekends right before she enters the class. There were a few five year olds in the class this year but mostly there were 6-8 year olds who are reading. The five year olds were at a bit of a disadvantage with the lessons since most of the 6-8 year olds cheat when Lao Tse asks them questions in Mandarin and look off their Powerpoint printed lessons to read the answers. The five year olds must try to memorize all the words and phrases since they don't exactly read English pinyin yet. So, overall I've been fairly impressed with her ability to hold her own.

I've remained pretty relaxed this year about pushing her to practice. I operate in whatever mode due to the fact that I just want her to go without kicking and screaming and expecting bribes of ice cream for attendance and good behavior. She has readily complied in untypical Ava fashion and pretty much goes without too much fuss each week. She reaps the rewards of knowing something interesting and unexpected at her regular preschool telling everyone who will listen that apples are ping guo and laughing while goading the boys with Ni jiao shen ma ming zhe? Wo jiao Ava Jing.

At the end of the semester I was asked to attend a planning meeting for next year. Some of the school's board is interested in what the Chinese as Second language (CSL) parents think and want to be accomodating. (For the record most not all but most of the CSL families are indeed adoptive families.) What has happened is that the CSL class has for all intents and purposes turned into an adopted kids class. Not much integration happening. (Honestly, I have been highly motivated to keep going in hopes of integrating more with the Chinese families. But it is a slow process, that I am not making any faster by bringing my knitting and comfortably sitting with the other adoptive families while Ava is in class.)

Some parents want some history and culture in addition to language instruction in the CSL classes. The board members running the school are completely baffled by this this request. They are very hesitant to take away any time for strict language instruction. They feel the children are hardly being exposed enough with 2 hours a week and any true level of competency can hardly be reached with the way things are, never mind adding culture only curriculum. I see their point, they are offering Mandarin lessons, not This Is The Cultural Revolution 101 lessons. At this meeting there was a divide among proverbial nations. Around that table the American parents wanted fun but educational learning opportunities so it will be easy for us to convince our kids this is the best thing since sliced bread and the Chinese parents who simply roll their eyes at our obtuse parenting styles. To them it is easy, study hard do whatever you need to do to achieve greatness. Period, end of story, no whining, stop sniveling.

So then, where are we? Some parents actually believe their child can achieve Mandarin fluency in 2 hours of instruction a week without serious reinforcement at home. In my opinion this is sort of a joke. Probably isn't going to happen. I speak from experience here and it takes a heck of a lot more than 2 hours a week and minimal practice at home to truly learn a language where no one has proficiency in the household.

What is the consensus motivation for us American white folks sending our Chinese born kids to the classes in the first place? I think that is a question that the Chinese Community Center has been asking us for a while. My observation is that there is no true unified consensus. Each family has their own slightly different motivation for spending the better part of Sunday afternoons at the school.

1. Language instruction
2. Cultural subjection for the children (or perceived cultural exposure)
3. Place for children to be in racial majority
4. Ease of guilt after children were pulled from native culture (this may be controversial but I'm calling them as I see them)
5. supplemental avenue for academic achievement

This list encompasses a fairly wide range, thus making it hard for all of the people to be happy all of the time with one or two language class options.

Where does this leave us for next year? I wrote the check and signed Ava up again. I loved her teacher this year. She did a phenomenal job balancing her bosses requests for traditional Chinese language rote instruction and the American families request for Western teaching style. I'm banking on her staying another year.

Because integration with Chinese families and children are important to me I've decided to ask Ava if she wants to take the after school dancing class in addition to the language class. The dancing classes are heavily populated with Chinese children and very few adoptive children have signed up so far. This means another hour at the high school.

This whole thing is sort of life in a test tube...so why not try it? I'm often asked by other parents why we go to Chinese school and how long do we think we will stay and continue to take classes. A few years ago I was naive and stated it was so important to us and we are in it for the long haul. Now, it is day by day semester by semester. I have no idea what the future will hold. I have no idea how to balance her American upbringing with her Chinese heritage. Sometimes Chinese school and what it represents serves to confuse me and make me doubt my parenting choices. (I'm sure this would be reassuring to Ava if she were old enough to read this or begin to comprehend.) Perhaps her autobiography will be one day titled "One Chinese American Life: My Life As A Lab Rat"

Only time will tell....I'll be sure to report back in 20 years. Maybe I'll know more then.

Three Wheeling

I love this photo. The Muffin Man took it as the girls were settling in for a jog. Yes, it's my sweetie pies Evita and Pink tilting their little heads for the camera as if to state clearly we are cute and we know it. Now give us Dora The Explorer popsicles. But that is not the reason I love the picture.

I love it because they are close. Look at them all smooshed up next to each other in the double jogger/biker. Could you score a better hand-me-down gift that the double jogger/biker?

I love it because they really do enjoy being all smooshed up next to each other using the backyard bench cushion to pad their bony little butts. They share snacks, they pass water bottles back and forth and Ava will put her arm around Olivia and make sure she has her pink blanket when she gets tired. They really enjoy each other's company. Or perhaps Ava is always just so desperate for human companionship she is truly grateful for the warm body. Or maybe Livi just sees , ahhh big sister gawdess who has an uncanny ability to negotiate cookies from parents. But I'll take it, no matter the root cause or intention.

For right now it is sisterly bliss. Ava asks if Liv misses her when she comes home from preschool. She will push Liv around the backyard in this stroller stopping to attend to Liv's needs when she utters a groan. Liv in return will hold her hands up to Ava when she sees her stating, "PPPPPP". Which in Livi-ism means "Hi, Up pick me up."

It makes me wonder, when will the back biting, hair pulling, she got this and I want this start? I know at some point they will fight, tease, jab and cajole each other, all siblings do. But right now either they aren't sophisticated enough for the complexities of sisterly disfunctionality or maybe they are still young and sweet, bringing out the best in each other.

Either way, when they do decide to fight someday I'm holding on to this photo and this memory. I will use it to show them how sweet they are together.

These are the good old days. That's what I'll tell them.

Sad Little Backpack

Did you have have a home craft project go terribly wrong? And you knew it was going badly before 1/2 way through the project and yet you persevered in denial thinking..."Well, maybe I will be surprised and it might turn out ok?"

Yep, this is the little backpack gone bad. Sad little backpack.

I had a pattern. So I can't blame it on not being able to figure it out. I even had nice fabric, which thankfully I scored on serious sale or I'd be even more depressed than I am now...backpackless and a wee bit mopey.

Here is what went wrong. I listened to this lady who really looked like she knew what she was doing at my favorite J store. I have some issues staying away from the J store. Anyway, I was grumbling about the price of pre-quilted double sided fabric since I wanted to make myself knock off Vera Bradley bags. I like some of these handbags but I'm not $90 in love with them. So, I strike up a conversation with this employee at the J store who tells me "Don't pay $17.00 a yard for pre-quilted fabric, honey. Quilt it yourself." She goes on and on about how easy it is and if I have any experience with fabrics and my sewing machine...it will be a cinch.

Ha, crazy J store lady was indeed on drugs. It wasn't a cinch. It was a nightmare. Trying to get the batting evenly in between the two layers with out bunching was time consuming and frustrating to say the least. I have serious holes in 6 of my fingers.

After, 1/2 ass quilting the material I tried to use it. Perhaps I used too much batting. It was too thick to fold and double fold and then try to get into the machine. I broke 6 needles on this project from hell.

I just couldn't come out of denial that it would be a wash after all that work. So, I persevered. And I tried to fix by hand sewing some pieces. I finished it this afternoon, took a picture, wrote about it and will be cutting off the expensive D rings to use for a later project. I plan to also cut off the straps and make a little tote bag out of some of the scraps.

Sad little backpack project. Chalk this one up to live and learn.

23 Pounds of Storm

She is going to seriously injure herself if I don't string her up by her toenails first. She is a one woman whirlwind of terror, and I'm not sure how this happened overnight. Look at the previous posts, other than leaping from shopping carts she was really quite a placid baby.

Placid baby has morphed into dervish toddler hellbent on destruction. It is like watching the old Wonder Twins cartoons, where the kids would spin and then things would happen. Livi now gets get a look in her eye, spins around and then starts a tornado of destruction . She does not discriminate she does not spare a moment to contemplate...it is all about a climb to abomination all the time.

I offer this photo as proof she considers all ottomans and hassacks as tools to assist in an apocolypse.

Here she has decided she shouldn't have to wait another 30 minutes for the chicken in the oven or another 20 seconds for a glass of wine.
Let's see how many glasses she can break in one week...right now the record is three. No blood, amazing.




Caught in the act. But not deterred.













Knives, she loves knives. Usually there is a knife or two in the kitchen sink. Excellent.















Climbing up to the counter to help herself to the car keys.

Oh, take your chances on that one little girl. When daddy can't find those keys, play time is officially over.

She laughs hysterically when you come home from Target...ahhh little white and red plastic bags to play with. If scissors are anywhere below 42" anywhere in the house she can smell it.

The sewing room is a playground of death and destruction as pink ribbons are flying and mixed with pins and needles sticking from the carpet. The dryer is akin to a Disney ride in Fantasy Land. Bookcases are stepladders thank you very much. Stairs can be scaled in under 20 seconds flat and the kitchen table? Tap dancing anyone? The remote control for Daddy's ridiculously expensive and hard to operate television, she'd love to tell you what happens when you lick it too much. But that is not funny....yet.

This is what you get 6 months after bringing home the cutest, most laid back baby in the world. You attend to her needs, you verbally assure her of family love, you feed her until she gains six pounds in six months you get up with her in the middle of the night. She repays you by becoming....The toddlinator.

That Which Weighs Heavy

I've been reading the same story that I am sure much of the Chinese adoptive community has this week. It is not a pretty story of ladybugs and red threads. It is ugly. Woman goes to China for her healthy bouncing baby girl and is greeting by one very sick little child. She make a gut wrenching decision not to parent the child. Things aren't handled all that well and woman returns home empty handed...mad and sad. Child is left in China, future uncertain.

I wasn't planning on publically commenting on this story. I had planned to go on with adorable pictures of my lovely brood and snarky cul-de-sac commentary of life at preschool and perhaps tossing in light fanfare about how my 17month old is suddenly not a baby anymore...she's all about the toddler trouble these days. (Stop by again to see knive throwing toddler style.)

But, I can't. In the last few days I've dreamt I went to Guatemala and adopted a sick little boy. I've been at the grocery store staring at Livi with her runny nose and grubby hands tearing up just because I love her so much. The check out man had to ask me if I was ok. Yes, one of those days I carelessly told him as I whipped out my Visa. I won this adoption lottery was all I could callously think. Who knows what tomorrow will bring but today I won. I admit it, I thought that.

This isn't how life always turns out though. I know this first hand, being a young cancer survivor. I know what it feels like to have a baby die inside of your rotten un-working body after IVF. (How's that for ladybuggy fare?) I'm not completely unaware of how life sometimes deals bent ugly cards to normal nice folks to make them stop in their tracks and take stock in how fragile life really is. One minute you are walking along with your head in the clouds, the next you are sitting on a gurney looking at pasty white guys in white lab coats...hoping for more. Or staring at a govennment official who has all the power in asking for life's greatest favor...knowing full well you will not be obliged.

I personally know a family that could not take a child home with them upon meeting her in China. They were granted to gift of a little girl called C. 1 week later in China. I was admittedly horrified upon hearing this story from the mother the first time. It stopped me in my tracks much like the story I've been reading this week. But you know what? They are nice people. They aren't bullies, they aren't unfeeling, they aren't even self rightous, they had to make a choice for their family. I have no idea what choice I would have made if I'd been in the same position. I'd like to think I'd know what choice...but I don't...since I haven't lived it.

My thoughts this week are with the families that have to make gut wrenching decisions about parenting whether adopted or biological. I hope I have the courage to never judge them harshly for their decisions. Right or wrong, here or there.

In the mean time I hope adoptive parents are more educated through this process of learning about this story. I hope they expect that there will be bumps in the road, and when things turn up all rosy and ladybuggy they are pleasantly surprised. I hope they are committed to knowing that every adoption is in some ways a special needs adoption. Yes, I do believe that every adoption is in some way special needs. Being ever vigilant about watching your adopted child for signs of needed help and intervention is in its own way...a special need.

We will be back to our regularly scheduled girlie antics and the mother following along with bad roots and a sore back soon. All this after a short breath to reflect on life's ability to bring a breathtaking course of pain and doll out intermittent jogs of exhaulted joy all in one journey.

April Get Your Craft On

This month's GYCO challenge was aprons. Before I made these aprons would you like to know exactly how many aprons I had in my kitchen? One. One lonely sad Cathy cartoon apron left over from the mid eighties I believe. It probably said something about the over consumption of chocolate.

A new apron was definitely in order here on the cul-de-sac. You know I am all chef-y and all. Hold the spitting soft drink out your nose laughing comments those of you who know me and my long history of kitchen debacles. Harvey Wallbanger and the great spinach ball tragedy shall remain quietly in the past.

Why? Well, the girls and I have new aprons! New 1940's style inspired aprons. Check this out.

I couldn't resist the somewhat ridiculous children playing western theme. It is sort of toile"ish" but just a teeny bit too hokey. I love it. The fact that the three of us have matching aprons...well it just adds to the carticature of one's self.

So, there you go. April's GYCO...all done.

If you made an apron would you leave me a comment so I can see it?

Found the Glasses

We found the perfect glasses to go along with the bathing beauty and her swimming ensembles. Only, as it turns out big sister is the one who seems to be able to carry off the glasses.

Oh lord, if only spring hunting for swimsuits and matching sunglasses was 1 iota as much fun for moi. Where is my $9.99 Target swimsuit that fits perfectly and comes in 6 bright sunshiny colors? If only I could even stomach the thought of a swimsuit for me in any bright sunshiny color. And don't tell me oh, it's 2007 you can wear any color you like, you liberated woman.

Check out the Land's End catalogue...the bright lemon yellow swimsuits do not come in "Women's sizes". So women of a certain girth and earthly magnitude should not be able to wear lemon yellow if they so choose? (Really, check out page 7 in the most recent catalogue.) Where did the apparel industry get the term "Women's sizes"? I think I might take offense to that. I suppose I can't get too uppity at Land's End, since they do seem to carry long torso. I love that, long torso. "Yes, I have a long torso." I guess it is a given being 72 1/2" inches tall. The torso is long. It is just that long torso sounds a bit like a medical condition. Say it outloud, am I right?

Dr #1: Yes, today we are going to fix the deviated septum.

Dr# 2: Oh, while we are in there can we do something about the long torso?

Dr #1: Oh no my good man, we'd have to call in the specialist for that.

At the bottom of the catalogue page it states....Don't know your size? Call 1-800-LANDSEND

Oh yeah right, like that's going to work. "Ummm, I'm 72 1/2" tall and I simply will not step within about 16 paces of a scale so I have not one clue how many lbs. but I know I have a long torso, and umm...a little junk in the trunk from the months of reading internet blogs. Can you help me determine my size please? Oh, and I'm partial to lemon yellow and polka dots."

Right, the customer service rep in Banglaore, India will surely be able to help me with that one. I think I might skip the delightful ice pick in the eyes conversation.

Or, I suppose I could do what I always do. Go the the swimsuit graveyard that is the left side of my bottom dresser drawer and hope for the best. Operate in denial, but hope for the best.

Or I could concentrate on the glasses again. Yes, perhaps I might have to find ice blue plastic cat eyed glasses in "Women's" size.

About the Weather

Conversations with a 17 month old:

Mom: The weather here stinks. Let's play bathing suit dress up to cheer ourselves up.

Olivia: It's snowing. It's April. It's 65 degrees in the house. And you want to puppet me up in my sister's old bathing suits for your own entertainment?

Mom: Yes, dear I do.

Olivia: (See photo for "You are an idiot." face)




Olivia: Now I'm thinking that we should put this suit to good use. Take me somewhere warm.

Mom: Like where?

Olivia: I'm 1. I haven't completed my geography lessons yet. Let me think. How about the remote area of Captiva Island, Florida? I could use a white sandy beach.

Mom: Done. It's yours.


Olivia: Really, all I had to do was ask?

Mom: Oh, yes dear it is my life's wish to spoil you and your darling sister so much that no adult can possibly stand you by the time you are 10 years old.

Olivia: I can live with that.














Olivia: Seriously, when do we leave?

Mom: May 12th.

Olivia: Will that be enough time for me to find sunglasses to match this suit?

Mom: If not let me know. I aim to please.

Spring Break and Breech Babies

We decided to buck the system and head the decidedly unpopular route NORTH for spring break. Everyone and I do mean almost everyone else in my town hopped a plane to Florida. Mindless drones following the trend I tell you. I was snickering watching the news as they lined up enmasse at the airport...Starbucks in hand...waiting out the delays in flipflops.

NORTH held the sweet promised land of Grandma, Grandpa and Uncle Greggor, (as Ava calls him.) They did not disappoint. The girls were in heaven, even though the weather was so freaking cold the Muffin Man's forehead was cracking open in 25 degree snowy weather after spending the last week on business in Panama City, ironically enough Florida. The cad. Apparently the weather change of 60 plus degrees did not agree with his skin, imagine that.

Grandparents sugared them up, let them virtually destroy a very nice 1920's tudor style home, and walked about 600 flights of stairs with Liv. She simply wanted to "do" the stairs ad nauseum, nice pool with swim up daquari bar? Not needed, thank you very much. Because their names are Grandma and Grandpa and not Mommy, Da...they let them have their way. Isn't that what is right with the world? I cannot wait to get back at Ava and let her kids eat a peppermint candy every 20 minutes for 144 solid hours. Then disappear when it is time to visit the pediatric dentist. I actively dream for the day.

And what were we doing while they were coloring the walls with washable marker and sticking bubble gum on the sofa? Two dates with the Muffin Man. Yes, real dates. This involved two restaurants and not one chicken nugget. Heaven I tell you. Then I shopped....alone. Not for groceries. For girlie sandals. On sale at the Gap. It took me a serious 30 minutes to find my mojo while on the first trip to the mall alone. It was sort of an out of body experience. I found myself only looking at mother's walking with strollers. Then smacking my over processed mom-do saying snap out of it....head to Sephora! Go to Victoria's Secret and see what Ipex means. And so I did. I now know that Ipex means virtually the same thing as Body by Victoria but it costs $9.00 more. No purchase. But I enjoyed the pink dressing room with no giving a 6 minute dissertation on why little girls wear undershirts and big girls wear bras. Again, heaven.

So, good time was had by all. And, we are back from the big woods...rolling into reality.

As I was explaining to Ava that the Easter Bunny might visit after she fell asleep last night she told me that Uncle Greggor was born feet first. "Huh", I said. Yes, most babies are born to their birthmothers with the head coming out first, she informed me. But Uncle Greg was going to be born with his feet coming out of Grandma first. "Uhhuh, did Grandma tell you this?" I asked. "Yes, of course" she replied "And he got to be born and stay with his birthmother." "Yes, that was nice", I added. "Ok, now can you please turn my music on so I can sleep all through the night and NOT hear the Easter Bunny" she said. With that it was lights out.

A very typical end to a very atypical week for us.














Oh yes, the bunny came. Here's the bunny loot.


A row of peeps and coffee for breakfast. I can think of no better way to end the week on a high note.