One Year

One year ago today at approximately 3pm in the afternoon I couldn't take the excrutiating wait any longer. I caved and called my agency to find out about her. Only I didn't know it was her. I only knew that China's CCAA had sent referrals and we finally made the date cutoff. I was trying to play it cool and let them call me. But I couldn't, I just had to know and it was only 2 more hours until business close. I absolutely could not wait one more night knowing someone else knew about my baby and wasn't telling me all about her.

My coordinator on the phone was looking at this photo. I was looking at a blank sheet of paper and a shaky pen in my hand.

She's from Guangdong. Yangxi to be exact. Her birthday is November 12, 2005 and her name is Yangxi, Ge Ge. That means Princess. She is healthy. "That is all we know. We will translate and send you pictures tomorrow", she said. Then she added, "She's just so cute, with a round little face and huge eyes."

I hung up the phone and then we were four. Just like that. Gone from three to four in one phone call. I didn't cry I didn't scream. I just couldn't stop looking at the piece of paper and thought, my handwriting is messy and not very motherly looking. But then...we were four. And I had just had a baby. A Chinese baby named Princess, or GeGe who was 7 1/2 months old and healthy.

In the following weeks I was so worried. I worried about her. I worried about Ava getting a sister and what that would do to her delicate only child psyche. I worried about me. I wondered if I could really be a decent parent to two children. I worried I wouldn't sleep for the next three years tending to another insomniac high powered child. I worried that we might upset the balance of us as three. I worried my husband would travel for business too much sending me over the mothering edge.

I worried all for nothing. Ava is fine. We are fine. Olivia Xi Ge Ge is perfectly better than fine. She is the littlest love of our lives. I adore her. The Muffin Man is enchanted by her. Ava swells with pride and kindness around her. Sometimes I wish time would stand still and she would stay little forever. Then she throws a fit and I'm ok with the growing up business. Then she is the most adorable mite again and I well up putting her to sleep at night.

Thanks for one wonderful year, Olivia Xi GeGe. Thanks for choosing us.