Saturday, June 24, 2006

Where were you when Kennedy was shot?

I realized today that I might have one of those "Do you remember where you were when Kennedy was shot?" moments when the Agency calls to tell me about our new baby. Except, I wasn't alive when Kennedy was shot, so for me it's Elvis. For posterity's sake I was helping my mother in the laundry room in the house on Lisa Court in Elkton, MD when we heard that Elvis died over the transistor radio she kept on the dryer. My mom dropped my dad's blue boxer shorts in the bleach in case you wanted to know. It was that tragic.

Here is why my referral call might be an Elvis moment. My apologies ahead of time to the gentlemanly types who might read this. I have had an annual visit at the OB/GYN scheduled for several months. You know how it is ladies, you schedule that annual visit and come hell or high water you better be there or be prepared to wait another 5 months. They always want to give preference to the gals giving birth the old fashioned way and schedule the rest of us schleps in groups of 2 per month.

Back to the referral call. My "annual visit" is scheduled at 1pm on Monday June 26th, 2006. The DHL bag with my baby from the CCAA in Beijing is due at my agency before noon on Monday. I've heard that they will make phone calls to families revealing babies names, birth place, SWI, height and weight right away after translation. Then they will take the rest of the day to translate the entire contents of the paperwork and overnight the baby's photograph and history to us in an overnight bag to arrive the next morning. Ava and I plan to stalk Mr. Fed Ex for sure. (Muffin Man will be off selling tools, more on that later.)

Let's get one thing clear. I am taking any call from my agency at any time with regards to finding out anything about my baby! No stirrup, swab, Dr. or fat pregnant lady is getting in my way of taking that phone call. I don't care how many knocked up gals I have to trip over to fish my cell phone out of my purse. Sorry, no offense to the ladies out there able to procreate but does anyone else see how ridiculous this might really be? There I am...completely unable and nowadays unwilling to breed, getting a call at the OB's office telling me I've had a Chinese baby. I hope I never get too old or too lame to see the humor in this potential situation. I might actually have a baby at the OB/GYN! I ask you this, is this a Chinese adoption first?

I'm envisioning this conversation ten years down the road...

Lady at PTO meeting: "Oh dear, I just overheard some ladies speaking about their visits to the OB/GYN office. Dreadful. Ahh, I remember when my little Grayson was due and I was two weeks late. I went to the Dr. for my last visit. Then, out of nowhere some crazy tall lady lunged at me and knocked me over in the rudest display grabbing for her cell phone of all things. I fell to the floor causing me to go into labor right then and there on the new taupe berber carpet. It was all that nasty lady's fault...I didn't get an epidural or anything, she caused me to miss my window. Thank heavens precious Grayson is now a math-a-lete and the Dr. didn't charge me extra for having my baby on her floor.

Me: Wow, that was you sitting on my cell phone? Crazy times huh? Ahhh, no epidural and Grayson was 11 1/2 lbs.? Sad.

I know this is slightly twisted.

I am seriously hoping to get the call BEFORE arriving at OB/GYN's office. But I have no problem taking down a prego if necessary. Of course I also have no problem telling the Dr. to bill me for the "delivery" should I have my baby at her office. I challenge ANY insurance professional to find the ICD-9 for that one.

13 comments:

Stephanie said...

I am laughing out loud! Even though I was once one of those prego ladies at the OB/GYN, I now would run them all over too to get my little one home from China!

Kristin said...

Love it... watch out ladies! imagine taking the call while on the exam table!

Can't wait to hear the news!

Traci said...

Perrin,

I'm sitting outside with the auctioneer taking bids reading your blog to all of those who will listen. You are cracking us up!!!

If they call me before you I will direct them to hang up and call you right away. I am actually hoping you get the call while your legs are in the stirrups.

You would have quite the story to share over the years!

Traci

Colleen said...

How great would it be for you to get the call in that office? I cannot wait. Seriously, I will be checking your blog tomorrow afternoon like a mad woman.

The Belanich's said...

thank you for the laugh! That is a hysterical image... that I am trying to get out of my head right now!! I can't wait to hear the REAL story tomorrow!!!!

Lisa and Tate said...

HAHAHA... So excited to log on and see the new addition to the family!!!

Lisa

Cari said...

I can't wait to hear the details! And if you are on the table it will make for one great story. Just tell us you were on the table even if you weren't.
Best of luck!

kikalee said...

I've got an IV hookup to yours and Steph's blogs today, hitting refresh every 15 seconds, like a morphine drip. Please post! Puh-leeeeeeze! Getting so anxious.

Kristin said...

i am checking your blog like a maniac... referral!! where are you???

Julie said...

LOL! You're hilarious!

Can't wait for the news!

Sheryl said...

WELL???? Was the doctor "in" up to his elbows while you were reaching for the cell phone??

Kristin said...

still waiting!!

waitbabywait said...

your post reminds me of my last failed IUI. the doctor said to his nurse, "i'm having trouble threading this through her cervix. can you hand me some suture?" to which i repied, "SUTURE?!?!" as i snapped my knees shut nearly taking off his nose and began to hyper-ventilate. (can you tell i am afraid of things that poke and stick, like needles threaded with suture?). i had visions of myself running bottomless down wilshire blvd for all i was worth. the doc. and nurse left for a moment to give me a chance to recover and reconsider, and i said to my hubby, "quick, we've gotta get out of here now, before they come back!"
needless to say, i too remain blissfully infertile (avoiding all those horrible words like suture and episiotomy; how do you spell that?).
so, good for you. those nether-regions doctors need to show us some respect. i hate the prego. injustice @ the ob/gyn. & i loved this entry.
xx~
:)