Waiting Causes Twitchyness

It is a fact. Waiting for your baby when you have no idea when the little mite might pop out or be sent in an envelope from your favorite communist country can be hazardous to your health.

Take for instance the Muffin Man. He has a serious case of the yuckies in his chest and stomach caused by some disgusting virus he picked up from feeling all twitchy from the adoption wait. He says it's from sitting next to some sick person on that last plane ride he took from Kansas City but I honestly do believe it is waiting induced labor. Why do I think this? The man has eaten nothing in the last 48 hours and is complaining of a swollen and achy belly. Poor guy, he's just overdue, virus or not. I tried to tell him it might be Braxton Hicks and he looked at my like I was the wicked witch from the east. Only did he soften when I clearly explained where the Dayquil and Gas X were located in the medicine closet.

It can also make one pretty darn twitchy when your closest adoption ally, the coordinator at the agency homestead is promising absolutely nothing, nada, zilch. Bu yao, for those of you into Mandarin. Even when your magical processing date is a whole 24 hours after the little number listed here. "To help pass the time you could always run down to the local bank withdraw and extra $140 to send to the federal government to perform the exact same service they performed for you 13 months ago." Coordinator suggests with a :) at the end of the email. Forgive me but sending MORE money to my federal government to process the same fingerprint as a year ago, minus the new little scar caused by an onion slicing incident, is simply not a :) worthy event in my life right now.

Perhaps having children, waiting for children, adopting children, dealing with the United States Federal Government, and adoption agency coordinators causes one to lose their sense of humor. Yes, you get all twitchy and then that sense of humor gets sent away in the same envelope as the $140 for re-fingerprinting.

Here is what I want to know. Why then are federal government employees not finding that sense of humor when they open these letters on a daily basis? Are they not really opening the envelopes with cashiers checks enclosed? Are they doing some little satanic dance around a fire and tossing envelopes in as food for the gods?

Life's mysteries confuse me. Now I am going to go eat a bag of potato chips while I wait for my referral that may or may not be in some envelope coming from China in the next week or two.

Potato chips replenish the sense of humor. They make your ass fat but they have 25% of the daily recommended sense of humor dosage. It's a fact. Google it.