Recently, while talking to Muffin Man I tossed a out a crazy idea. In the 11th hour of waiting for the baby's referral, let's consider adding a little more stress and complication to our lives by adding a room onto the back of the house. That way Ava and her little mei mei could have a playroom with a painting easel and train table. Secretly, I have really been looking for a place to dump the train table since Ava received it last Christmas. The kid showed an interest in trains ONE time ONE day and well meaning but completely naive Muffin Man dodged 4 traffic violations screeching off to the toy store to get a train table complete with airport, train tracks and little green trees. Now, it houses the all consuming Little People metropolis which she ignores as well as the trains that are hogging space in the drawers below the table. So, the answer in my mind to have space for the "all important" train table....Let's add on to the house while we are bringing an unknown child home from China...makes sense right?
Here's the funny part. Muffin man is buying into it. "Sure dear, add a wing." Can you say home equity line? It makes me a little queasy here in this old relationship when I am the one who is acting with reckless abandon. It is not a comfortable place. You see we have had a good thing going for many years now where he likes to spend spend spend and I play the miserly bitch..."you'll put us in the poor house dear."
But, as with all things in life experience gives us wings to fly and confidence to soar beyond. As I contemplate the need vs. want dilemma of my little housing addition idea I am reminded of my black beauty.
What does a black car have to do with the kidlet wing?
Here is the thing. On an impulse, when I bought my beloved black beauty, a 1999 black Dodge Durango, with gray soft leather interior, 4WD, electric everything, a nice cd player, and three rows of seats I was bad ass tired and feeling mean. I had been beaten down with the whole infertility thing for a while and just needed to feel in control of something. Anything. So, we bought a car that was a little beyond our means (or so I thought at the time) with a whole boat load of attitude. Believe me, the color was no ironic twist. The sales man offered us a light blue model at a cheaper rate saying color surely wouldn't be an intelligent consumer's deal breaker. Oh really? Black Beauty made me feel powerful, in control of my life. I loved her in 1999 and I love her now, all 6,000 lbs of her.
So, with that said I bet you are waiting for the grownup epiphany where I realize that buying an expensive what-not is the not answer to finding peace and balance in my life and won't give me the sense of control I naturally desire. After all Black Beauty did not exactly get me a big job promotion and pregnant all at the same time. In fact, I got neither. Spending cash'ola will not make my life more in balance, it will not bring me a happy healthy bouncing baby girl any faster.
Here's the catch. The Durango situation really has worked out for us. I paid her off. I have only 60,000 miles logged. I obviously have not grown tired of her bad ass girlish figure. She totes me and my baby around town with style. It was in hindsight a winner of a decision.
So, if I rely on the Black Beauty as life experience, I guess she might tell me that it is ok to stretch a little. Have faith in what you cannot see today. Money is only a means of exchange. Power is as power does.
Let's hope this power is not banging nails loudly as a newly arrived baby tries to sleep this summer.