I admit it, I cut out coupons with every intention of using them. In my mind, I think that this helps my contribution in the family dynamic where I earn not one penny for doing lots of work (in between reading Real Simple at the pool and stopping at Starbucks) and the Muffin Man, a decent man's wage for a decent man's day of work.
But then alas the little coupons sit on the kitchen counter till they earn an objectionable amount of dust and then I pitch them. All the while thinking, "What a good housekeeper am I?".
This week was different. A $20 coupon arrived in the mailbox. All I would have to do is "transfer" 1 prescription from pharmacy near me to Walgreens. I even took the time to read the fine print. Oh yeah, we were getting $20 bucks worth of free stuff for baby.
Off Ava and I start on our adventure. Off to pharmacy near me. We casually and without guilty face drop off two prescriptions for Ava and Olivia's amoxicillan in case some one gets wheezy in China. I announce quietly that I would like to drop this off and have it entered in the computer immediately...but...we don't want it filled ummmm...right away. The sixteen year old pharmacy tech nods. I have to buy Ava a fruit water as bribery to behave at the next pharmacy stop on our journey.
Down the road a piece we pull into Walgreens. With $20 bonus coupon for transferred prescription in hand. Ava spills copious amounts of fruit water on their floor. Not a good start.
I hand over the coupon to the 17 year old pharmacy tech at Walgreens and tell her that there are prescriptions hanging out waiting to be transferred from good service pharmacy down the road. To show my organizational skills I also present her with the phone number. She calls and it has not been entered into the computer. "Oh, right that's because I dropped it off 20 minutes ago before the fruit water incident. But I left strict instructions to enter it pronto." I tell her. She giggles at me. Well, I will enter the info you have but it will be tomorrow before this can be filled.
Not acceptable. Need Amoxicillian today, since I am leaving for China in about a month. Can't you see my reasoning? She advises me to go back to pharmacy near me and ask for paper scripts back. Then come back to Walgreens and they will "try" to honor it as a transfer. Ugh huh, I think. So, how is this better service than pharmacy near me? Oh, right its not, its only $20 free.
Ava and I hop in car to quickly visit pharmacy near me. Ava campaigns for gummy bears for her inconvenience. Right on sister, since you ate NOTHING FOR LUNCH, I THINK NOT!
We meander in and promptly ask for our scripts back. All the while pharmacy techs are conspiring to stick rat poison in our next prescription.
Thirty two gummy bears and 1 fruit water later we arrive back at Walgreens. They ask who Olivia is and why she had no insurance. I calmly explain that she does exist, really she does, but it is not her fault she is living in a Chinese orphanage at this moment with the name Yangxi, GeGe and has not been stripped of her Chinese name yet for insurance purposes. And, no there is no damned social security number yet, she lives in China! They see my heightened emotional state and choose wisely not to tangle with me, offering to process it all under my social security number. Many thanks. When do I get my $20 worth of free size 3 diapers?
I breathe. In and out. What would Buddha do at Walgreens? Would he even attempt to buck the system for a measley $20? Would Jesus stop off at Walgreens for antibiotic cream? Would Allah seek wisdom in flip flops on sale in aisle 6? Its a mystery to me.
Then it happens. They give me the prescriptions for my girls. My girls...did you hear that...my girls, as in plural? I have 2 girls. I have the prescription to prove it. It even has her name Olivia (Muffin Man's last name) . So, then I start to tear up right there in Walgreens, at the sight of Olivia's name on a prescription bottle. Ava immediately sees fit to help herself to the bevy of free diabetes and restless leg syndrome literature folding each piece carefully into Chinese fans. She folds, I cry. People stare.
Then I pay the co-pay. Since it was clearly stated in the fine print that the $20 may not be applied to Medicare or co-pays. Ava and I boldly march to the baby aisle and pick up one package of size three diapers for $15.29. Since after this drama we must spend every penny of the $20 so I let her pick out 2 coloring books for China. She's happy, coloring books, 17 gummy bears left (she counted) and about 3 ounces of fruit water. Well earned, in my opinion.
I think in the end we will have to go back to pharmacy near me. It holds less emotional baggage after all is said and done.