We've been home from China for one month now. For over one month I have been mom to two. I've been thinking a lot recently about what I have to say about my month at home.
It has been quite a lot of at home time, much more than I am used to. This is mostly because it is a butt load of work to get two kids in the Durango to head off to a fun filled hour of roaming the aisles at the grocery store where the 10 month old is climbing out of the cart every second because she-just-will-not-sit-in-the cart-seat and the 4 year old is either discussing why people choose to be buried in the ground and why can't we see angels and why can't WE have Fruity Cheerios when EVERY other preschooler this side of the Mississippi gets Fruity Cheerios, they are healthy you know...and what would happen if Olivia ate one of the dust bunnies in the playroom, would she barf green? Our healthy dose of at home time is also partly due to the fact that 10 month old Olivia is happy and engaged, bright-eyed and even sometimes bushy tailed at home. When we are out too much, she pops a thumb in her mouth looks at her feet and seems to emotionally fade a bit. So, we stay close to the barracks. Really close, as in if I don't go to the post office or the bank for even a 30 minute ride in the 'burbs to see the land of the living...I tend to need pinch so I don't find myself banging my head on the kitchen floor.
Oh, I know this is the first leg of the "adoption adjustment" period. I have lots of experience adoptive parent friends who say "The first 6 months suck, they really do. Just buck up feed and diaper the kid and 6 months later before you know it, all will be fine."
Here's the thing, some moments are hard but I wouldn't say the first first month has sucked. How is that for setting the bar high? Some moments are quite frankly brutal. Some moments are so cute and exciting you are overly emotional crying because your (yes, that is YOUR) kids are the damnest cutest kids in the world and you are so grateful to be a part of whatever cutie patootie thing they are doing. Then later that same night you haul off and get close to verbally assulting your child because she and her friend hid one ballet shoe and you have absolutely no time or patience for hunting for a ballet shoe at 9pm. Then you go to bed feeling like a really crappy parent, because good parents are more patient than that. But wait, the 10 month old giggled wildly while her sister tickled her armpits only 2 hours ago, so you can't be the MOST horrible parent in the world.
So what is the message here at one month home after completing adoption number two? I guess I want to say it is a roller coaster. It's not the same roller coaster I rode for 12 months reading the Rumor Queen and obsessing over adoption videos set to Iz's version of Over The Rainbow. No, I've finally stepped off that coaster but I can't seem to leave the park. I think that is part of the message, part of the lesson...just because you achieve something big in your life doesn't mean you are done. You still need to get up and walk around the park. I'm still here, trying to figure our whether I should hop on the River Rapids ride or climb Everest. Which one will be more settling to my stomach? I honestly don't know. I might be wandering the park for little while longer. I guess this is what hapens when you buy the "ticket is good for life" you know.
Someone pass the cotton candy.