Friday, March 12, 2010

They Were Green and Fuzzy

See the little kid on the left? She woke up this morning fresh from rolling out of bed complete with morning breath. She insisted with straight face and absolutely no snicker or remorse that she had already brushed her teeth when I inquired about those fuzzy green things that should have appeared pearly white.

I asked her again, please go brush those teeth before school. Again, she insisted that she had indeed brushed them before coming to see me. When I told her that I hadn't heard any water running, she told me that I couldn't possibly hear every water trickle in the house every single time. Little does she know, yes I do. I also have eyes in the back of my head and can read minds.

I pulled her little sweet, yet deviant head towards mine and told her I would not hesitate to sniff that breath and if it wasn't minty fresh, there would be swift and severe consequences for anyone lying to her mother. She stomped off loudly saying FINE, she would go brush those teeth. Then she paused for a moment to run her hand slowly over the table that was missing the sewing machine since we ALL know in this family is missing since it is in shop after my latest user owner mistake. She paused ever so gracefully and looked my way to say "So, where did you say the sewing machine is again?" The kid is the black widow.

Holy mother of all things evil...if I was going to make her brush those teeth, well then she would take that opportunity to remind me what a dork I am to break my new machine.

Oh dear God in heaven, please keep her out of federal court. Please let her run into some teacher sometime in the next ten years who can convince her that Sing Sing is a horrible place and she'd be much better off using her powers for good.

1 comment:

Traci said...

I love that you're writing again. You make me laugh!