Tuesday, March 27, 2007

Is 5 too young for menopause?

I'm living with Stormin' Norman here on the cul-de-sac. Over the last few weeks I've been wondering why no one has remembered to tell me that children at age 5 are the epitome of 2 all over again. Cute and funny one minute and temper tantrum's evil spawn the very next.
If I didn't know better I'd swear someone is slipping her hormone replacement tablets. But there are no signs of hot flashes so I guess that's out.

I've explored the idea that perhaps this strange and sometimes sub-human behavior might in fact be delayed sibling issues. Heck it could be delayed, "I couldn't stay out with my friends until 10:00pm trolling the neighborhood like I wanted" issues too so who knows for sure. Has the newness of baby who is now clearly toddler Olivia worn off now that she she showing signs of having thoughts of her own? As in, "Sissy, get the hell off my ear that hurts?" And this just isn't as endearing as "Oh, steal my ice cream, yeah that's funny too." Therefore I will scream my head off 1 hour before bed time to get your attention you idiot adult.

Or perhaps this could be captured in the fact that she only goes to preschool 12 hours a week and honestly needs to be in preschool about 72 hours a week to burn off all the mental and physical energy she has. How many more days until Kindergarten? Really, I want to know.
If this doesn't get any better I might have to strap her little legs to the treadmill and have her put in a few miles before lunch.

Clearly, 2 1/2 plus 2 1/2 = 5. And that my friends must be the mathematical definitive answer as to why Dr. Jekyl and Lil' Miss Hyde has moved into the purple bedroom.

Just as I was beginning to contemplate priestly intervention I witnessed an awesome tantrum thrown by not my little darling, nope the proud owner of this whopper was tossed out into the crowd by our 5 year old neighbor. Ava had to come home since it was so bad at his house. I certainly felt their pain as his mother had to walk the path of shame ending a playdate early. Oh, my dear, if you only knew how many times I traveled that road. But I was secretly resting easy in that space called misery loves company. Maybe someone has put him on HRT too.

I will love you no matter what. You can't do anything that will make me stop loving you. I love you unconditionally. Lather, rinse repeat three times.

Then have a nice glass of chardonnay.

6 comments:

Gracencameronsmomy said...

OMG, we have the SAME thing! and he is a boy! I am very afraid of when miss drama queen hits five...good luck...

Elaine said...

I hear ya, sister. Pass the Chardonnay this way because my 5 year old is in on the whole thing too. She has got the sassiest little mouth and the worst attitude I've ever met - including my own. She was home with Dad yesterday and apparently spent most of the day in time out. Today she's off to pre-school, much to everyone's joy.
BTW - the bags are the awesome!! We all love them. And several of my friends were so taken by them they've probably already ordered from you - if not, you'll hear from them soon! (One friend was going to order a bag, then after reading your blog, decided on TWO bags!)
Cheers!
Elaine

Space Mom said...

4.5 is our age of fun!

Seriously, we had a tantrum this weekend and I said "Do toddlers lay down and kick their feet and scream?" "yes" "so are you a toddler?" "no" "Then stop it and use your words to express your emotions!"

(yeah, real adult of me to call her a toddler and yell at her, right?) Sigh. I'll take a bailey's on the rocks....

nikki said...

You are so funny.
But, you are SCARING me. I don't want to go thru this stuff twice.
I'll just comfort myself by blaming it on the sibling issues and rest knowing Lily doesn't have a sibling.
(so, she will probably be ticked off about that, eh?)
Oh boy!

Traci S. said...

Oh, forgot to mention it. Five kinda' stinks. Six will come...it's lovely!

Traci

Donna said...

My daughter, who just turned five and who has been a wonderfully behaved child for most of her life, is going through a phase now too. Suddenly, everything is a battle, from what to wear, to what we're having for dinner.

I'm hoping it's short-lived, because it's wearing me out!